Thursday, September 10, 2026
1 John 3:11-16
More on Love and Hatred
11 For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12 Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous. 13 Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
According to a YouGov survey, about 48–49% of adults in the United States identify as “people pleasers.” In other words, many people have trouble saying no. They end up doing things they do not really want to do. They avoid conflict, go out of their way to “keep the peace,” and put the needs of others first while stuffing down their own feelings in the process.
There is an upside to this: people-pleasing can look like pro-social behavior that benefits others. But there is also a downside. When we continually ignore our own limits, needs, and callings, resentment begins to build.
Not living the life you are called to live.
Not saying what needs to be said.
Not acknowledging your own needs.
These are the building blocks of resentment. The trouble is that resentment can sometimes hide under language that sounds Christian. Let me be clear: when Jesus calls us to “lay down our lives” for one another, he is not asking us to stop living the life God has entrusted to us.
Resentment is what drew Cain toward violence against Abel. Resentment also drives many of us to hurt others in ways that are subtle and not-so-subtle: sharp words, passive aggression, withdrawal, bitterness, and quiet contempt.
A saying I have heard over the years about pastoral ministry is, “Every church has an altar, and they are happy to throw you on it.” The point is that churches can sometimes want a pastor with no boundaries. They may want a people-pleaser. But for pastors, that is not a recipe for longevity. It is a recipe for resentment.
The same is true in our lives. God has given each of us callings and vocations that the Holy Spirit invites us to pursue. When 1 John says that Jesus laid down his life for us and that we ought to lay down our lives for one another, the point is not that we erase ourselves. The point is that we lay down our selfish, ego-driven projects so that the love of Jesus can take shape in us.
That takes discernment. We have to learn the difference between God’s will and our will, between Christlike love and anxious people-pleasing. When we pursue God’s will, we begin to find our place. We stop trying to please everyone, and instead become part of a community that is pleasing to God because it makes room for everyone to live in love.
Are you a people pleaser? Where might God be inviting you to trade resentment for honest, courageous love?
– Pr. Jason
God, help me discern your will for my life. Free me from anxious people-pleasing, resentment, and fear, so that I can love others with honesty, courage, and grace. Amen.
